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The 12 tips of Christmas from your Safer Neighbourhoods Teams

On the first day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

No presents under the tree

On the second day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Lock all doors and windows

On the third day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Use timer switches

On the fourth day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Don't carry too much cash

On the fifth day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Use licensed cabs

On the sixth day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Don't flash your Ipod

On the seventh day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Use your mobile safely

On the eighth day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Take out your Sat Nav

On the ninth day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Don't leave your shopping out

On the tenth day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Keep your bags where you can see them

On the eleventh day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Only drink responsibly

On the twelfth day of Christmas, a policeman said to me:

Watch out for your neighbours

Don’t let a burglar spoil your Christmas


DOES GOD EXIST?

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation they talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: I don't believe that God exists. Why do you say that? asked the customer well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.

Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument the barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard he looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barbershop again and he said to the barber: You know what? Barbers do not exist, how can you say that asked the surprised barber. I am here, and I am a barber and I just worked on you! No the customer exclaimed. Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.

Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.' 'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.

That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.


"The Computer Swallowed Grandma"

The computer swallowed grandma, yes, honestly it's true.

She pressed 'control' and ‘enter’ and disappeared from view

It devoured her completely, the thought just made me squirm

She must have caught a virus, or been eaten by a worm

I've searched through the recycle bin, and files of every kind

I've even used the Internet, but nothing could I find

In desperation, I asked Jeeves, my searches to refine

The reply from him was negative, not a thing was found online

So, if inside your 'inbox', my Grandma you should see

Please Scan, Copy and Paste her in an e-mail back to me.

By Mrs Valerie Waite, Derbyshire

Thanks to Valerie for allowing us to publish her work


AV Referendum Hustings 14 April 2011

It has become a tradition for Churches Together in Epsom to arrange hustings events prior to General Elections, in which members of the public can hear and question the candidates. This year, in preparation for the AV (Alternative Vote) referendum on 5 May 2011, CTiE arranged an event at the Ebbisham Centre on Thursday 14 April, between 7.30 and 9.30 p.m.

Nick Spencer of the public theology think-tank, Theos, gave a brief general introduction, arguing that we cannot read out of the Bible whether God supports AV or not.  Instead we can reflect on the visions that we have for a democratic society, and the purpose of elections – for example, whether we should go for a stronger consensus around policy making, or for a strong government.  The next two speakers broadly ignored Nick’s challenge. Peter Facey, Director of Unlock Democracy, and the Deputy Chair of Yes to Fairer Votes, spoke in favour of the Alternative Vote system. Chris Grayling, M.P. for Epsom and Ewell, and current Minister for Work and Pensions, presented the argument against the change.

Presentations were then followed by questions and discussion. Conservative Party supporters were dominant in the discussion. A surprising number of those who attended expressed considerable ignorance about the mechanics of the Alternative Vote.

About 60 people were present. A straw poll at the end of the meeting showed nineteen in favour, twenty-six against, and five don’t knows.

John Padwick

Final UK result

6,152,607 Yes Total votes 'Yes': 32.10%

13,013,123 No Total votes 'No': 67.90%


 

Working Replica of Noah's Ark...........interesting

 


In the year 2010 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England near Epsom in Surrey and said:

Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated.

 

Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the Computer Aided Design (CAD) drawings, saying: 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his garden, but no Ark, 'Noah' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?' 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.

I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure.

We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.

Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea.

I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. all the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl.

I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me, they insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I am still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons, they insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.

Someone has beaten me to it!


Funny How Life Goes On!

Community Presentation at Blenheim High School

We are delighted that Ben McBean, former Commando and double amputee, came to Blenheim High School on Wednesday, 10th November 2010, to give the first in this year’s series of community presentations. 

Only 23 years old, Ben has overcome massive obstacles since he stepped on a Taliban landmine in 2007.  Just 12 months later he ran the London Marathon in 6 hours and 30 minutes.  He completed the Marathon again in April this year, raising funds for Help for Heroes, and has also taken part in the Khumbu Challenge, an expedition to the Everest Base Camp in the Himalayas for injured marine and navy personnel.  At the Sun Military Awards in 2009 he was presented with the Overcoming Adversity award by ex-Spice Girls, Emma Bunton and Geri Halliwell, who said he was ‘a complete inspiration’.
 

Ben, who had dreamt of being a marine from the age of 10, has no regrets:

I was doing a job I love.  We all knew the risks and we took them in good faith.  In many ways it was the best time of my life.’ 

 Ben impresses everyone he meets with his determination to live a life as normal as possible without his left arm and lower right leg. 


Garth Hewitt spoke about Amos Trust's work at an evening Advent service at St Barnabas Church, Epsom Surrey.

Celebrating 25 years of the Amos Trust, as well as Garth's recovery from serious illness earlier this year. Garth Hewitt is an Anglican priest, in fact a Canon of the Church of England, who founded Amos Trust 25 years ago. This works to bring justice to the forgotten people of the world by working with local communities. They work with the poor of Nicaragua, the Dalits of India, the peacemakers of Palestine/Israel and the street children of South Africa.

Garth is a gifted composer and performer of spiritual songs and he  celebrated the 25 years of Amos Trust in story and song.
 

More at http://www.amostrust.org/

Towards the Dawn by Garth Hewitt

The third in a series of books of reflections and interviews, Towards the Dawn Garth relates his encounters with Christians, Jews and Muslims caught in the crossfire of the current conflict, as he examines the Easter passages and journeys from the present day Jerusalem, via Bethlehem to Galilee. The book combines prayers, passages of scripture and the example of these ordinary people's witness.

Essential reading for anyone interested in the Holy Land.

Rachel Boulding, Church Times


Life begins at 40........... miles!!!!!

The start of a new decade in your life generally sets you thinking about achievements, regrets and challenges yet to be fulfilled. 

For my colleague Jane and I, starting our 40s got us chatting about doing something outside our normal routine. We wanted a physical and mental challenge to prove that we were not passed it, yet it had to be something to benefit others. After a bit of research the answer was obvious:

The Lyke Wake Walk – 40 miles across the North Yorkshire Moors within 24 hours.

Certainly enough to test our strength and endurance! I embarked on the adventure without too much thinking and in the hope that I would raise a significant amount of money for “Love Me, Love My Mind” – a fitting charity considering the challenge!


 

On Saturday 5th September 2009 at 4 am we started walking.

So did we do it? – Well, strictly speaking no. We did walk the 40 miles, but we stopped at 7.30 pm after 33 miles. We run out of daylight on the Saturday and it was not sensible to navigate in the dark. But we completed the last 7 miles on the Sunday. Our time overall was 16 hours but we did have a rather long rest in between.

Was it worth it? - OOH YES!!!!! Despite the logistical nightmares of family life and the aching limbs. The pleasure of seeing the sun come up over the heather covered Moors was priceless. The chance to reflect about life without any immediate demands, and just be, was refreshing.  The knowledge that I had a solid back up team of people praying and covering our physical needs was deeply reassuring and humbling.

I am very grateful to all those that put me on their prayer list, I know that many a time I was carried, not only during the walk but also during the organising of the trip. Nothing but prayer could have ensured such perfect walking weather.

And a big thank you for sponsoring me.

 “Love Me, Love My Mind” will be £400 richer – with a few more pledges still to come.

Isabel Lobo

 

Footnote: Isabel Lobo is a member of St Barnabas Church


 

True Worship

True worship requires a heart for God. The kingdom is given to those who seek it and are willing to put the desires of the king above everything else.

Those who are willing and obedient will eat the good of the land. Those who are dissatisfied with what God has provided, lose hope in the desert and seek a return to a life of slavery because they have lost faith in the promised life of freedom and are destined to forty years of aimless wandering.

The desert in which they lost hope is the desert from which they never escape. Our worship of God is a serious matter because God takes our worship seriously. His conclusion “They have not known my ways” awakens us to what is required of worshippers.

True worship enables us to draw close to God. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, it is possible also to be his friend. There is a condition to this friendship. It is to do whatever he commands us. Friends know what the Lord is doing.

Our discipleship embodies His work among us. When we keep his commandments, we abide in his love. His joy abides in us and fills our hearts. In true worship, the joy he has put within us overflows into praise to our God. We acknowledge our debt to Him in taking us from a life dead in trespasses and sins to a life alive with power and authority in the kingdom of his dear Son.

Our Holy God inhabits the praises of His people. His presence in others’ worship can reveal our cold hearts and enable us to deal with the causes. True worship connects us to the God whose kingdom is eternal and whose life we share. It lifts us to those heavenly places where we sit with Him. It enables our hearts to feel what our heads have understood and know the riches of his grace toward us. To know the joyful sound of worship is to be blessed.

To walk in the light of our Lord’s countenance.

To rejoice all the day in your name.

And to acknowledge you, Lord, as the glory of our strength. True worship does not equip the saints, bring us to maturity or enable the kingdom to come in great power or in signs and wonders. But it is a necessary first step on the road.

Chris Donohue of St Martin’s Church with thanks to the Gazette


 

You Took My Space at Church

This should wake us up.

One day, a man went to visit a church. He got there early, parked his car and got out. Another car pulled up near him. The driver got out and said, 'I always park there! You took my place

After Sunday School which is typical in the USA before the Service, the visitor went into the sanctuary for Worship and sat down. Another member walked up to him and said, 'That's where I always sit! You took my place'

The visitor was even more troubled by this treatment, but still He said nothing. Later as the congregation was praying for Christ to dwell among them, the visitor stood up, and his appearance began to change.  Scars became visible on his hands and on his sandaled feet.

Someone from the congregation noticed him and called out, 'What happened to you?'

The visitor replied, as his hat became a crown of thorns, and a tear fell from his eye, 'I took your place.'

When you read this, say a prayer. That's all you have to do.

Author Unknown


Thought from the Vicarage

What do you think of when you see a Church building or walk into one?

What do church buildings say to us, or perhaps more important, say to the wider community and to the non Christian?

Some years ago a Chaplain to the Forces said that in attempting to make some kind of religious contact with new recruits, he had found that the most useful line of approach was to ask if they had ever seen a church. They might know virtually nothing else about the Christian faith but at least they were likely to have seen a church at some time. What did they imagine that this building was? What was it for? What did people do inside it? For vast numbers of people to-day the building which they see may be their only remaining link with the Christian tradition.

When I was training for the ministry I spent some time with a priest who had ministered in south London, and one day he took me and his newly ordained curate to visit his old parish. On our way out of Waterloo Station we stood for a moment on the Embankment, not far from the Royal Festival Hall, and looking across the River Thames, he asked us what we could see. We looked at the buildings, prominent among them the Palace of Westminster, the City of London and the dome of St. Paul's.

The point he wanted to make is that all of these represented power, political, economic and religious. All too often, our church buildings may be seen as representing the power and wealth of the church, suggesting that we may have forgotten the example our Lord has given us, coming not to be served but to serve, and that the building is there for the whole of the community.

The Kairos Buildings process will start soon in our Deanery. This is the Bishop's initiative to help us think strategically and creatively about how to use our church buildings more effectively: to deepen the spiritual lives of worshippers and visitors, to serve the local community more effectively and to find solutions to the problems of maintenance.

The Rev. David Heatley - Rector and Vicar of Hawkley and Benefice - Hampshire

July 2008 from the Village Magazine with thanks


Dear Webmaster of  Churches Together in Epsom

I hope that you do not mind me contacting you but I am hoping that we may be able to assist each other. I run a ministry called Christian House Sitters. Now that we have reached the second half of the year members of your congregation are no doubt starting to plan their vacations. If any of your congregation are interested in having a Christian look after their home and animals while they are on holiday I am sure we can help find the right person.

Our service will not cost them anything. It is free to house owners.

Full details can be found on our web site at http://www.Christian-Housesitters.com

Our full details are listed on the About Us page of our website. These include our physical address and telephone number. On the Media Coverage page you will find a copy of an article published by Church Times.

God bless you,

Ray White

Christian House Sitters


HOLIDAYS AND WEEKEND BREAKS

If you like hills and valleys, wonderful views and good walks around Dartmoor, then the small market town of Bovey Tracey in Devon, is the most interesting and beautiful place to stay for a long weekend or an “anytime” holiday.

We visited this location over the recent August Bank Holiday weekend, staying at Ruach, which is the holiday home supported by the New Creations charity and situated just a stone’s throw away from the centre of Bovey.

It is delightfully appointed, offering two double bedrooms and a twin bedded room. There is a spacious conservatory and a sunny balcony off the lounge area with a superb view.

For relaxation, style and comfort as well as supporting the charity led by Jacqui Frost for reaching people through art and textile, we highly recommend a visit.

There is further information ............here

Ann and Michael Arthur of Epsom Methodist Church


Sculptures

Here are a series of photographs and text of sculptures located in Texas USA, at Groom near Amarillo , as the pdf(Adobe Reader) file is 1.18 Mega bytes suggest if you are not on Broadband do NOT download.

Download ...here


 

That's My King - A Easter Video Message on YOUTUBE not every bodies choice is ....here

 


"The Churches Together in Epsom (CTiE) accepts no responsibility for any statement, views, opinions of whatsoever nature expressed or given above which have been sent to the CTiE and do not necessarily reflect those of the CTiE or its members."

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